The paralysis of paranoia
Knowing what you should be doing
Is what you’re not doing
And you’re not actually doing much of anything
How do you put into words all the descriptions for “numb”
When numb feels like nothing
Empty
Hollow
Joyless
Cold
While your face, your façade, looks normal
And your core is rotting away, closer and closer to the surface
How long before your skin shatters and that army of emptiness marches right through your body
Revealing nothing but numb
It’s not that you want to die
But living isn’t giving you life
So you keep going
Like a corpse with a pretty coat
And no one knows there’s nothing inside
Like an empty building with one dim light buzzing
Should be filled but it’s not
Should be busy but it’s not
Should be bright but it’s not
It’s not that you’re dramatic but emphatic that you’re really not okay
And you’re tired of pretending that suspending this emotionless state will make it go away
How many more pieces can be pulled out of you
Before the whole tower tumbles down
Before the numbness crumbles away
Before the darkness rumbles its last
Because depression is suppression of the normal that’s not there
It’s oppression in its finest, it doesn’t give a care
About you
But that sliver of faith says you still have to trust that the One who holds the universe
Holds all of you together
Holds all these pieces better
And holds you even when you
Let
Go
.
.
.
“Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.”
– Psalm 73:25-26 (NIV)
jess leigh hanna 
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