A Diagram of Depression

The paralysis of paranoia
Knowing what you should be doing
Is what you’re not doing
And you’re not actually doing much of anything

How do you put into words all the descriptions for “numb”
When numb feels like nothing

Empty

Hollow

Joyless

Cold

While your face, your façade, looks normal
And your core is rotting away, closer and closer to the surface
How long before your skin shatters and that army of emptiness marches right through your body
Revealing nothing but numb

It’s not that you want to die
But living isn’t giving you life
So you keep going
Like a corpse with a pretty coat
And no one knows there’s nothing inside

Like an empty building with one dim light buzzing
Should be filled but it’s not
Should be busy but it’s not
Should be bright but it’s not

It’s not that you’re dramatic but emphatic that you’re really not okay
And you’re tired of pretending that suspending this emotionless state will make it go away

How many more pieces can be pulled out of you
Before the whole tower tumbles down
Before the numbness crumbles away
Before the darkness rumbles its last

Because depression is suppression of the normal that’s not there
It’s oppression in its finest, it doesn’t give a care
About you

But that sliver of faith says you still have to trust that the One who holds the universe
Holds all of you together
Holds all these pieces better
And holds you even when you

Let

Go

.

.

.

Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart 
and my portion forever.”
– Psalm 73:25-26 (NIV)

26 Comments

  1. Such much emotion in your post. I pray for anyone and everyone that deals with these feelings of depression. May the Lord give relief as He carries you through the season.

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  2. Oh my goodness! WOW! This really cuts to the very core of our emptyness. I have had to fight off depression for many years and this speaks to it. Thank you so much for this beautiful poem of hope and courage …

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  3. As someone who has gone through a deep depression, you worded this so perfectly. Thank you for your vulnerability. I hope you know that you put into words what many others can’t, and you help them. God bless you!

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  4. This is an amazing piece of writing! Your wording in this poem is so spot on and such an incredible way to describe depression and to give words to those walking through depression. Awesome.

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  5. Oh! You caught my attention immediately when you described paranoia perfectly which coincides with depression. I find scripture has the power to lift me out of the pit and I love that bible verse at the end of your post- God is the strength of my heart forever.

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  6. You have really given a profound picture of what depression feels like. Many people who haven’t been through it don’t understand. They respond with “snap out of it” suggestions. They’re worried and don’t want to also be dragged down, so they brush off what is very real for too many people. But as with others who have commented, I love the verse with which you ended. God is bigger even than depression and can and will heal.

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