So this is grief
The mailman who knocks on your door with a parcel
Do you open it, do you dare
It says fragile, handle with care
The last box you opened made you cry
But they were happy tears, from the memories inside
Of joy
Of normalcy
Of warmth
But this time you open the box and Pandora plays a sad song and those warm tears that once were semi-comforting are now cold
And there’s an emptiness
And the sun moved a little farther away from you
So this is grief
It’s sadness and peace and sweet relief that someone you knew and loved and hugged is no longer in pain and crippled by the bondage of a world that longs for its redemption
But you’re still here and your life goes on while their new life has begun
And they’re with God and you’re still here on this cursed earth making memories that they’ll no longer be in
So this is grief, as it visits me
Knowing that even though my children met you they won’t have the pleasure of knowing you like I did
They won’t get to listen to stories of what their dad was like while you reared him or hear you laugh the way you did
But I’m glad they all have had a hug from you to add to their collection of affection from people who loved them and were excited to watch them grow
So this is grief, my grief
Knowing how many people wished their mother-in-law wasn’t in their life
But I wanted you to stay
You loved the man I prayed for
You were the first woman in his life
And now I’m his wife and well, it’s a tough act to follow
So now I’m back at that box remembering the first time I thought you’d beaten cancer and how relieved I didn’t know I’d be
But that was months ago and everything changed so fast and that joy couldn’t last because God was calling you home sooner than we’d hoped
And now you’re free and isn’t that where we also long to be, and your life was spent to be where you are now
So this is grief
I didn’t know what to expect but here we are
It’s sorrow invading love and love living on, now wounded but moving on
It’s the cost of letting people in and letting them take part of you when they go
It’s coming face to face with the void inside our hearts designed for only God to fill, yet somehow He delights in making room for special people to love us too
And how I wish my children had more time for you to love them
—
In loving memory of my mother in law, Terry, who went to be with Jesus on April 17, 2018
jess leigh hanna 
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