So This is Grief

So this is grief

The mailman who knocks on your door with a parcel

Do you open it, do you dare

It says fragile, handle with care

The last box you opened made you cry

But they were happy tears, from the memories inside

Of joy

Of normalcy

Of warmth

But this time you open the box and Pandora plays a sad song and those warm tears that once were semi-comforting are now cold

And there’s an emptiness

And the sun moved a little farther away from you

So this is grief

It’s sadness and peace and sweet relief that someone you knew and loved and hugged is no longer in pain and crippled by the bondage of a world that longs for its redemption

But you’re still here and your life goes on while their new life has begun

And they’re with God and you’re still here on this cursed earth making memories that they’ll no longer be in

So this is grief, as it visits me

Knowing that even though my children met you they won’t have the pleasure of knowing you like I did

They won’t get to listen to stories of what their dad was like while you reared him or hear you laugh the way you did

But I’m glad they all have had a hug from you to add to their collection of affection from people who loved them and were excited to watch them grow

So this is grief, my grief

Knowing how many people wished their mother-in-law wasn’t in their life

But I wanted you to stay

You loved the man I prayed for

You were the first woman in his life

And now I’m his wife and well, it’s a tough act to follow

So now I’m back at that box remembering the first time I thought you’d beaten cancer and how relieved I didn’t know I’d be

But that was months ago and everything changed so fast and that joy couldn’t last because God was calling you home sooner than we’d hoped

And now you’re free and isn’t that where we also long to be, and your life was spent to be where you are now

So this is grief

I didn’t know what to expect but here we are

It’s sorrow invading love and love living on, now wounded but moving on

It’s the cost of letting people in and letting them take part of you when they go

It’s coming face to face with the void inside our hearts designed for only God to fill, yet somehow He delights in making room for special people to love us too

And how I wish my children had more time for you to love them

In loving memory of my mother in law, Terry, who went to be with Jesus on April 17, 2018

33 Comments

  1. Moved me to tears. What a beautiful way to describe grief. The parcel. Opening it and discovering new ways to express it. Hugs to your family who loved well, who lost but continues to remember.

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  2. So achingly beautiful! I feel the same about my precious father-in-law. He’s now with Jesus, praise God! But oh so missed!

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  3. What a beautiful tribute! And you so accurately put into words what grief feels like and the thoughts tumbling around as you continue to live without your loved one here on earth. Thank you for this post!

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  4. Such a beautiful expression of grief. Thank you for sharing so openly. I love this imagery of the parcel and knowing that we can go as far as we want to with processing our grief each day.

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  5. The heartache of grief is never easy, but always necessary for healing. Thanks for sharing this transparent and vulnerable tribute to your mother-in-law. Hugs.

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  6. Ohmygosh this is super powerful and sweet and sad and hopeful all at the same time. I am so sorry for your loss. I can tell by reading that you have been with Jesus. Beautiful writing my sweet sister …

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