Hostage

All I can feel is the gun at the back of my head
The cold, bitter metal presses through my hair
And I hear the trigger menacingly sneer

I see you in front of me
My freedom, my escape
My only desire is to run into your embrace
To be loved and safe and forever held

But the cold metal jolts me back to the horrendous reality:
I am held hostage by Fear

My heart beats like a tribal death rhythm
Can I run?
Can I take this one step, it’s only one step…
One step and I’m free

Just one step and I’m—

“Don’t even think about escaping me.”
I hear the familiar hiss and I close my eyes to attempt composure

“You can’t walk away from me.
I’ve been your master far too long, little miss.
I know you. I know your secrets.
They’re safe with me as long as you stay here.
But even try one step from me and I’ll blow your brains out.”

I can hear the grip tighten as the weapon is more securely pointed to my head

“You thought your mind was yours.
Well, it’s not any more.
You have no control.
You are powerless.
Kid, you are a loser.
And everyone knows it.
There’s no escape, so don’t even try.
You can’t do anything without me.
Remember that one time when you…
…yeah. Let’s not go there.
Besides, the only way God ‘works’ is if you absolutely trust Him.
And I know you’re scared to trust—you think He doesn’t?
So since you’re not even capable of trusting God, you’re pretty much hopeless.”

My mind is on fire
But I feel like I’m drowning in my own head
The panic is unbearable
Claustrophobia multiplied by giant claws tearing me apart
I begin to crumble

The septic voice continues:

“All this God-stuff is just a game.
And you are losing at it.
All this talk of surrender, surrender, surrender.
You’ll never fully surrender to Him anyway; you’re too scared!
Stop playing this game.
I know you.
I know you’re fake.
Even if you tried to explain it to others, they wouldn’t understand.
They don’t struggle with this.
You’re…the…only…one.
Come along now, you’ve had your little intrigue.
Let’s go back to your quiet little cell, its safe there.”

By now I’m clawing the steel walls
I know truth, so why does every shard of hope
Seem to shatter into smaller and smaller pieces?

Who pushed play on this nightmare?

I can’t take this any more
To risk my liberation means death
But to stay is eternal torment

Suddenly I realize
And begin to scream

“LORD GOD, I BELONG TO YOU!
You cannot leave me here!
You have the power over death, the dominion over darkness!
God, I cannot be controlled by this any longer!
GOD, YOU SAID…”

And amid the chaos and the bombs and the mines violently exploding in my head
The peace of the Holy Spirit settles in and whispers:

Run.

A righteous indignation swept over my once-cowering frame.

“Fear, you shall no longer have mastery over me.
I belong to one God, one King, one Savior!
You…do…not…own…me.
The power that raised Christ Jesus from the dead,
the power the spoke the world into existence,
the power the commands darkness to flee and light to burst forth…
that power of the Holy Spirit is inside of me.
In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, you will leave.”

As I leapt from fear to freedom, I heard the trigger release.
But to my utter shock it was Fear who collapsed to the ground, being left to writhe in brutal defeat.

God was quicker on the draw, and I was ransomed unharmed.

“Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The LORD, the LORD, is my strength and my song; He has become my salvation.”
– Isaiah 12:2

“In righteousness you will be established: Tyranny will be far from you; you will have nothing to fear. Terror will be far removed; it will not come near you. If anyone does attack you, it will not be My doing; whoever attacks you will surrender to you.”
– Isaiah 54:14-15

“Then my enemies will turn back when I call for help. By this I will know that God is for me. In God, whose word I praise, in the LORD, whose word I praise—in God I trust; I will not be afraid…”
– Psalm 56:9-11a

“With God we will gain the victory, and He will trample down our enemies.”
– Psalm 108:13

 

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