The Wilderness is Spacious

“I don’t like it here.”

These were the words I uttered at first
For in the beginning I thought it the worst

It’s empty, it’s sparse
Its colors all muted
And every question I had was deep-rooted

In anger
In bitterness
Longing and rage

“Can we skip to the next part?”
“Oh GOD turn the page…”

But time stands still in the wilderness
Everyone comes and goes, except you
Everything ebbs and flows, except you

At first it feels like prison
Walls closing in tighter with unanswered prayers

But when the fears have risen
When all the doubts air out
All that’s left is to listen

And look
And watch

And when you stop fighting the wilderness
You start to see how the wilderness has been fighting for you

After all, the wilderness is spacious
It is not noisy, it is not loud
It is not chaotic

You can hear yourself ask the questions here
And sometimes there are even answers
Because you’re in a place quiet enough to listen

There is space to rest
Space to know
Space to confess
And space to grow

You never find yourself in the wilderness at a good time
In fact, it’s usually the worst time possible

But after the shock fades, after the anger is over
Peace begins to seep into your soul

You’re on God’s time now

In the wilderness there is space to breathe
To discover intimacy that can’t exist in the noise

Because when our time stops
The God who exists outside time and space
Keeps going

Slowly there is synchrony
Slowly we recalibrate

And maybe if this long moment
Ever comes to an end
I’ll fight to come back here again

After all, the wilderness is spacious

—

jess leigh hanna